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Sunday, April 25, 2010


    I wonder why there are no really good Bigfoot movies out there?  You would think that with a subject matter like Bigfoot, we could have a truly scary movie about the big guy.  But... I can't think of a single one, besides "The Legend Of Boggy Creek".  As primitive and low-budget as it is, it's still by far the best.  The last Bigfoot movie I saw was the abysmal "Sasquatch" from some time in the 90s, starring the ever dependable Lance Henriksen.  It was pretty bad.  In fact, it sucked horseshit.

     Now I grew up in the woods.  And it was a summer ritual to sit huddled around a fire in the woods, scaring each other silly with tales of Bigfoot, The Hook, and Jason Voorhees.  A fun night of camping can easily become the stuff of nightmares when the talk inevitably turns to a hulking Sasquatch, lurking unseen, in the darkness around you.  Scary shit.  Think about it.

     A Bigfoot movie could have so many possibilities as a horror movie, if done right.  There is something undeniably scary about the legend of Bigfoot.  I wouldn't really want to encounter Bigfoot alone- would you?  Seems rather frightening, if you ask me.  It's frustrating that there are so many untapped areas for horror movies, yet instead we're subjected to either "Saw 12" or dull, stupid remakes of classic movies.  I want a good, new kick-ass Bigfoot movie!  Why not?  There are more ways to scare an audience besides a killer in a mask-as fun as those are.  I think the story of Bigfoot could make one great scary movie.  "The Legend Of Boggy Creek" has proven that.  Let's see if they can do it again.

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2010

    It appears that many are extremely excited about the newest remake of a classic horror movie.  I'm talking about "A Nightmare On Elm Street", the 1984 shocker that introduced Freddy Krueger to pop culture.  Now I've never been a huge "Nightmare" fan anyway, but I have truly zero interest in watching this latest "re-imagining".  Like, none.  The original is in its own right a classic horror movie.  It was fresh and different, and Freddy was truly scary back in '84.  "Halloween" gave us Michael in 1978, and "Friday the 13th" introduced not one but two iconic villains, Pamela and Jason Voorhees- which pretty much reigned supreme at the box office from 1978 to 1984.  Freddy Krueger came along, and was different in that it wasn't just another guy in a mask.  Not dissing "Halloween" or "Friday the 13th" in the least bit, but by '83 or so it was standard slasher fare to just throw a guy in a mask with an ax to kill teenagers.  "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" was the last great entry in the "Friday" series in 1984, and by then the slasher movie was all but dead.  "A Nightmare On Elm Street" was one of the last great horror movies of the 80's, if you ask me.  Oh there were some good ones here and there through the remainder of the decade, but 1980 to 1984 are my favorite years.
     However, by the third entry in the "Nightmare" series, I was already getting annoyed with Freddy Krueger.  Why they chose to throw in the comedy routines is beyond me- it completely robbed Krueger of his scariness.  It became campy way too quickly, I think.  Freddy became a joke with me.  I was even annoyed at the "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" movies by 1987 or '88.  They just weren't the same.  I've already voiced my dislike for "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" and "Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning", and all that follow.  Yuck.  But horror was changing in the late 80's and by the early 90's much more realistic horror movies were appearing, such as "Misery" and "The Silence of the Lambs".  Which brings us to the remake of "A Nightmare On Elm Street".  And remakes in general.  Since the remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (which if I had to choose, I would say that would be the one I've enjoyed most- not saying I enjoyed it, but you know what I mean...), I've really liked none of them.  "The Amityville Horror", "The Omen", "The Fog",  "Halloween", "Friday the 13th"... all despicable in my opinion.  The originals are far superior, offering so much more atmosphere and mood.  I have no reason to believe the new "Nightmare" movie is going to be any better.  If I want to experience Freddy Krueger, I'll just watch the original.  I find nothing wrong with older movies.  In fact, many of my all-time favorites are old movies.  John Carpenter's original vision of Michael Myers will always be the definitive and scariest.  The first four "Friday the 13th" movies are the only ones you need- it's best to pretend that "The Final Chapter" is just indeed that and forget the rest exist.  Seriously.  I generally fly into a rage when I hear someone say that the original "Halloween" or "Prom Night" are boring and younger audiences can't relate to it.  What?  Have kids for the past 80 years not been able to relate to "The Wizard Of Oz"?  Or Batman?  Give me a break.  I actually know some who seriously will not watch anything made before 1990, because actors were ugly back then.  I know, right?  Infuriating.  So thanks, but I think I'll pass on the 2010 interpretation of "A Nightmare On Elm Street".  Would you want to see anybody else play Han Solo?  Or Scarlett O'Hara?  Not me.  Freddy Krueger, love him  or hate him, will always be Robert Englund.  Sorry.  That's just the way it is in my book.

Omen 3: The Final Conflict

     In 1981 the third installment of "The Omen" series hit theaters.  Actors such as Jack Nicholson, Gene Hackman, and Marlon Brando were considered for the role of the adult Damien Thorn- one can only imagine what the likes of Jack Nicholson could do with a part like that.  However, I personally think Sam Neill was the perfect choice for the adult Damien.  He just fits the part.  A well-known actor would have distracted from the performance, I think.  This time around Damien is eyeing the Presidency, intent on world domination.   He very much knows now who he is and his purpose, and Sam Neill does a great job with the evil nature of the role.  He's quite convincing.

     As the world plunges deeper and deeper into despair, (worldwide starvation and economic doom)  Damien carries on his sinister plot to rule the world.   Seems the daggers of Megiddo have been excavated from the ruins of the Thorn museum in Chicago that exploded in the second film. The knives end up with a band of priests, intent on destroying the Anti-Christ.  Another comet is coming- suggesting another child is on the way?  It echoes the birth of Damien in 1976.  Is it the second coming of Christ?  Damien seems to think so, as he unleashes a truly chilling plot to murder all newborns in England.  The Rottweiler makes a welcome return, as well as some downright nasty and shocking death sequences.  Despite a somewhat weak climax, it's a fitting and proper end to one of the classiest horror trilogies in history.  I really do love the "Omen" films- I  really respect the original trilogy and grew up watching them.  The ridiculous "Omen 4: The Awakening" was produced for television, in a failed attempt to start a franchise like "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th", yet it didn't quite work.  Why?  Because it was TERRIBLE.  And don't even get me started on the ridiculous remake.

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